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[sticky post] Things You Should Probably Know

In May 2004, when I was 25, while walking in Epping Forest, I tripped on a tree root, displaced something in my spine (opinion is divided as to whether it was a disc or a vertebra itself) and permanently damaged a nerve or nerves. Since then, I have mobility problems, sensation problems and chronic pain - but fortunately I am not paralysed. I can still walk with crutches, as long as it is not very far.

I'm on opiates for the pain, which is not otherwise treatable. But they don't get me out of pain and they don't prevent flare ups.

Fandom has saved my life and my sanity as I now spend several months of every year housebound. (The average is six months per year at the moment.)

As a result of my brain on pain and opiates (and my reaction), I also have chronic clinical Depression and an Anxiety disorder, for which I am also medicated.

Thanks to all of this, I was forced out of work in December 2008 and have not been able to work since. Yes, I'm one of those bloody scroungers living on benefits - if you pay UK tax, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Additionally, as well as the mood disorder, pain affects my memory, concentration and attention span and sometimes causes problems with words, such as dysnomia. The combined effects of my disability affect every aspect of my life, including my participation in fandom - and not least my self-confidence and my ability to *do* anything, especially with a deadline.

If talk about this sort of thing is not what you need in your fan-ish space, please feel free to defriend me, not friend me, or only follow/watch my fan-ish tags. No harm, no foul. I don't want to get anyone down, which is why I'm putting this up front.

My drawings and watercolours (such as they are and including attempts at fan-art) are here and here.

My Professionals fan-fiction is here (one ficlet, so far) and will also be at natsuko_fics if I ever write anything more.

You Are Always Learning About Equality

So I recently read a post (which I now can't find) about the damage of identifying as a bi/het/homo-romantic asexual.

And in precis the point was it might not matter if bisexuals and homosexuals were not stereotyped as only wanting sex, not being faithful and being sexual predators. But since they are, saying that those sexual identities do not *automatically* include romantic attraction and desire - which is the effect if not the intent of the divided model - is potentially harmful.

Having had arguments with people about gay men having sex in public toilets (cottaging), clubs and saunas etc because they are gay men and their attraction is not the same as heterosexual attraction; having been there when a bi female friend and a het male friend got engaged and people asked him if he was sure she wasn't just gonna go off with a woman sometime... I see the point.

So as a third attempt at coming out: I am a bi-asexual. (Since I have personal issues with calling myself "ace" (Ace Rimmer, anyone?) however, I do not choose to term myself an ace bisexual.)

(Was I still posting here regularly when I had the revelation that if you take sex out of the equation, I am equally attracted to men and women? I denied being lesbian or bi as a teenager because I knew I didn't want sex with women; but that was a decade before discovering AVEN and asexuality and admitting to myself that I didn't want sex with men either. When it came to men I was the recipient of the narrative for YEARS that how I felt about sex would change when it came to the "right man". Now, I am pleased to report that even my mother now talks about me maybe meeting the right *woman* someday.)
So I had a(nother) denervation in August, since when I am pleased to report my back/leg pain has been a lot better.

But without everything below the waist hurting, I realised I've now got a hell of a lot of localised hip pain.

I've just been to the doctor who examined me and diagnosed "bursitis" which he explained brilliantly by saying, "You've heard of housemaid's knee? That's bursitis. You've just got it in your hip."


There's not a lot you can say to that.

Probable cause: awkward gait due to spinal nerve damage.

Treatment: OTC ibruprofen three times a day, every day, for three weeks, go back to the quack if it doesn't improve after that.

Otherwise: is anyone doing NaNoWriMo this year? I'd really like a writing buddy/accountability partner. I'll even write a Professionals fic for NaNo if it means someone will get on my case about my progress. Please?

What's new with you?
The Professionals (post series/season 4/5); Bodie/Doyle; First Time

  • If your story was a fruit, which one would it be?

  • Which writer in you controls the plot, the author who wants to please their readers or the one who wants to make their readers suffer? :DDDDD

  • How long does your story (as a whole) span in time?

Fruit? Pineapple: sweet but acid; tough/chewy core; hard to separate the fruit from the rind/skin; prickly exterior/juicy interior;

The writer who ALWAYS controlls my stories is the one who wants to please my readers b/c I want readers to like my story and by extension ME.

In Real Time, the story spans One Night - but remininences/flashbacks take us back 30 years into the guys' pasts.


Reblogging in order to play.

My ACTIVE WiPs are (in order of current priority):-

(a) MCU/Avengers Clint/Tony; IronHawk

(b) MCU/Avengers Bruce/Tony; Science Boyfriends

(c) MCU/Avengers Bruce/Clint/Tony (IronHulkEye?)

(d) Original Fantasy Novel -  Power Absolutes

(e) The Professionals - post Series 4/Season 5; Bodie/Doyle first time

(f) Stargate Atlantis - pre-McShep, Age Regression/Cloning, Original Pegasus Culture, Parent-Kid Fic

These are the ones I’ve worked on in the last 4 months, anyway. (The Pros one is related to the Not Fic I posted last week ago and the WiP on my old LJ Writing Blog.) One day I will focus on one work at a time, but today is not that day. :( At least I’m writing?

Comment with a letter (or letters) and up to ten numbers and I will attempt to answer.

C&P/Crosspost - A Pros Thing (Reposted)

Given the feedback on my last post, I'm going to copy/paste my Pros-relevant Tumblr posts to dW, crossposting to LJ. There will still be links to Tumblr if I'm borrowing a meme or replying to/reblogging another post, but this should make it easier for those of you not on Tumblr to respond to my Pros posts should you wish.

(Please let me know if you'd also like MCU, Cabin Pressure, BBC Sherlock, Stargate SG-1, SGA, writing or disability/mental health related posts crossposted. Any and all fic I post to Tumblr and - when I set the AO3 account I have an invite for - to AO3 [I'm trying to think of the right username] will be linked to/crossposted here, regardless of fandom.) All the really personal stuff about the UK and me will still be posted HERE not on Tumblr. I like F'lock and I'm afraid of Tumblr politics.

So here: So I’m supposed (for one definition of supposed) to be trying to write one of my longer fic for PicoWriMo. [Which is now over.]

But I dreamed about the Lads last night and had to get this out of my brain before my brain could fic.

So here, have 1300 words of un-edited, un-betaed Not Fic Bodie/Doyle (one-sided?) Doyle Introspection.

(Possible warning for period-appropriate attitudes to homo/bisexuality and period language. And swearing. Lots of swearing.)


Read more...Collapse )


Needy AF, I know. Sorry in advance.

Okay so the Pros Thing I posted/linked here a few days ago...

Did no one read it?

Was it because it was posted to Tumblr?

Or was it just crap and OOC and thoughts without context are meaningless and no one had anything nice to say?

It's just I haven't writen anything for MONTHS with everything that went on over the end of last year and then the move.

(I'm still living in box-hell btw. and cannot find anything I own.)

I've been mostly on Tumblr when I have been online, for MCU and Cabin Pressure content, but I miss my Pros peeps.

However, I just can't keep up with three platforms. I didn't renew my paid membership on LJ when it exspired so I've now got ads and not the formatting I got with my paid a/c to contend with. But everyone now seems scattered across the three places of LJ, DW and Tumblr... and I just don't have the energy. Especially at the rate Tumblr content moves.

I don't know what to do. I have several Pros fics I WANT to finish, but I've got someone in Tumblr MCU-fandom actually *asking* me for fic based on my meta and headcanons. Which is nice, you know?

The thing is, Pros fandom has been there as long as I've been alive. I know there will still be a fandom next year.

I don't know about the MCU with the constant release of new content and how the fandom changes and the current dearth of fics for my favourite ships. Right now what I want to read is either fic that deals with the mess that was CACW (I don't see how they'll have TIME to actually truly DEAL WITH IT in Avengers: Infinity War, not with 19 named stars on the poster and creating new teams from the non-Avengers/Captain America/Iron Man films in the Universe) or fic that ignores everything that happened after The Avengers (2012) movie, especially Age of Ultron and Civil War. There's a lot of post-CACW fic being posted, but still not a lot for my favourite pairings.

So it's easier to find the wherewithal to keep working on my MCU fics, because I know people (well, two people, one for each of my main ships) want them, even with nothing to judge my writing by.

I kinda wonder whether I have anything to offer Pros fandom. And I looked it up the other day and my incomplete posting-as-I-write WiP (which isn't either of my unfinished Big Bangs) was posted in 2015. I keep losing time. And I seem constitutionally incapable of participating in multiple fandoms at once.

But on the other hand, I still *dream* about the Lads. But maybe I've lost their voices. Maybe I just have to come back in another two months and see where I am then?

Hope you are all keeping well. I will read all the posts I've missed and comment if I can find the energy. But not tonight, Josephine.

Dee Out.

A Pros Thing

This isn't a fic.

It's 1300 words of stream-of-consciousness one-sided/pre-slash Bodie/Doyle from Ray Doyle's POV

Posted to my Tumblr.

I am not dead

So. I screwed up with The Professionals Big Bang, I know, with the disappearing and all... but there were Reasons for my disappearance.

Things that have happened since July (I no longer remember the particular order):

- Back Flare Up;
- Depression Flare Up;
- My landlady died and her heirs gave me two months to vacate the place where I'd been living for nine years;
- Three family friends died;
- Another family friend got her third cancer diagnosis;
- My Dad had a bowel cancer investigation (it was clear, but since his mother died from bowel cancer and his youngest brother has a colostomy bag due to bowel cancer, it was more than a tad stressful for all of us);
- My Dad (who is 81) had a bad fall;
- I had difficulties finding a new home that met my accessibility needs;
- I had to move back in with my parents for a bit;
- Then I had to actually move (at the beginning of February);
- My computer stopped being able to access the internet due to an old Operating System (I've just bought a new one) and I couldn't let anyone know that I couldn't do the Big Bang ...

It's been a stressful six months. Neither my mental nor my physical health problems respond well to stress. I've been pretty much in survival mode. Sorry for letting people down.

I'm now on Tumblr as icallmyselfdee .


Dee Natsuko

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