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Let's try this posting/fandom again

Attempting to post without it turning into a rant about my mental health and/or triggers. Thanks to 221b_hound and taste_is_sweet for the mental health help. Thanks so much.  (BTW does anyone else think Nickleback is pretty Tony Stark? Esp Rockstar and How You Remind Me??)

Attempting to THINK about something other than my mental health and/or triggers - like my own writing, rather than other people's fics.

I know the Big Bang is a-looming like a loom-y thing, But does anyone have time or inclination to talk with me about my Professionals fics in progress? I could really use running plot and character development (and titles) past a friendly pair of eyes.


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 27th, 2015 01:07 pm (UTC)
Just commenting so that you know people are reading - it can feel awful when it looks like no one's thinking about what you've said, and I think it takes most of us a long time to realise that non-response is usually about the other people, not us. So... *g*

But does anyone have time or inclination to talk with me about my Professionals fics in progress?
I'd be happy to, because I like talking about stories and writing in general, but you've said in other posts that you don't think you'd be comfortable with things I might say about your stories, so I thought it best not to offer. My impression is that you're after feedback that fits the way that you look at your own stories, so you need someone on the right wavelength. Hopefully they're out there!
Aug. 31st, 2015 05:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks. *BG*

Yeah, I do try to self-talk that non-responses aren't so much "being ignored" as "people are busy and don't always read their f'lists/have time to reply".

And yeah. I can struggle with when and how to defend my own opinions/take and other people's opinions not necessarily meaning "You are Doing It Wrong AND Should Forget About Writing!" :)
Aug. 27th, 2015 02:41 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I have been thinking of you. Best wishes for the ongoing health - all kinds of health - but I know it can be very hard to juggle everything.

I'm afraid I can't offer to do anything for other people's writing just now, as I've just been given a new surgery date and now realise I have to try and get my Big Bang done before I get knocked out/opened up/left like a pile of goo! And I'm in the frustrating stage where the whole thing seems horrendous and boring - I always get this with my long fics when I've been working on them a while. I just have to power through it and keep writing till this thing has some sort of ending! I should probably not let myself go online and get distracted at all, but looking up nice pictures of the boys can be so soothing (and it's basically research!)

I bet Tony Stark listens to Nickelback the whole time in his lab and over his comms when he's flying *g*
Sep. 7th, 2015 05:41 pm (UTC)
Misspelling Nickelback (twice!) when I have several albums and one actually on the CD Player (I don't own any kind of MP/iPod/Thingy, because I don't buy tech until the old version no longer works/exists - I didn't get a CD player until you could no longer find cassettes! and I still use a film camera) is pretty bad of me. :(

Sorry about the gap in answering but you have been in my thoughts and I hope the op went as well as possible!

I get not having time/brain-power/energy to give other people's writing - and as I said, I get that most of my flist will be busily BB-ing atm.

I usually write out of order, so I get to a point when I've written every scene I *want* to write (usually the "donnee" scenes which led to me trying to write the fic in the first place) and just have the ones I need to make it make sense (openings and endings are killers!) or at least have a note in the doc saying "SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS HERE???" for - which is usually when a fic ends up on the back-burner and unfinished. (My WIP folder is a depressing place to revisit - so many fics where I REALLY wanna know what happens, but I don't know and I'm the author!)

OR I have what is the state of affairs right now - a back/depression hiatus leading to the kind of writer's block where I've forgotten how to write, forgotten what I wanted to write, and/or lost the character-mindset. :( I totally get why people advise working on your current project as often as possible - but my health means months at a time when it just isn't possible... which often means having to basically start from scratch all over again because I can't get the tone/jive/voice to keep going.

Also, I am so glad I write first drafts longhand, or I'd never get ANYTHING written if I was trying to do it in Word -- with the whole interwebs RIGHT THERE!. Yoikes! Pictures and Other People's Fics and LJ and Tumblr OH MY!

Best of British Luck, dear-one!

Aug. 27th, 2015 05:08 pm (UTC)
hi ...i am just popping in to say hello and to hope you still carry on with your postings here ..i can't do nothing with stories as you well know but i hope you do get help or whatever it is you are looking for ...take care xx p.s have a Doyle picture on me .
Sep. 7th, 2015 05:46 pm (UTC)
Hi! and hello there, leaning-Doyle! :)

Thanks, lovey.
Aug. 28th, 2015 09:10 pm (UTC)
You're always welcome for the help, Nat! Anytime. <3
Aug. 31st, 2015 11:48 am (UTC)
Think about this before you reply...

...The reading room (http://ci5hq.livejournal.com/276111.html) has started up again, so in a couple of weeks, when I introduce Lost & Found, I will be outing myself as just coming out of a ten year struggle with depression and anxiety.

If you know about this, then you know it means I struggle to make deadlines and might not respond to posts.

If you think you can deal with that, without fretting that it 'means' something, then I'd be happy to chat fic with you.

But I'm not a noddy dog, so I might say things you don't like, and if that's likely to be difficult too, then you might not want to accept this offer.

Like I said, think carefully and be honest with yourself about how you're likely to respond. Depression distorts and magnifies things and it's not always easy to cope with that.

Edited at 2015-08-31 11:49 am (UTC)
Aug. 31st, 2015 05:37 pm (UTC)
Re: Think about this before you reply...

If you know about this, then you know it means I struggle to make deadlines and might not respond to posts.

I do know about this. Not only am I living with Depression and GAD but my Dad's been in and out of Depression since I was thirteen (so, 24 years).

When I finally lost my job after a four-year struggle to stay in work with mental and physical health probems, I tipped over into a psychotic breakdown - cue being dragged out of my own home by the police (apparently the ambulance service can't remove you without your permission if you are conscious, so they called the bobbies in) and hospitalised under Section Two of the Mental Health Act (involuntary). I have *reactions* to "Lost & Found". :/

Maybe take a look at my WiP http://natsuko-writer.livejournal.com/tag/fanfiction and/or previous fic post http://natsuko1978.livejournal.com/149258.html and work out if my writing style is even something you want to read?

I'm not looking for a nodding dog, but I do need someone who doesn't *hate* my style/take etc if this is to be idea-bouncing and not an exercise in masochism.

Funnily enough, I posted only a month or so ago, actually, about how Depression warps thought-processes and memories, so it is easier to remember/read something as bad/negative. This is one reason I use CBT - the whole take what you believe/think and look at it *logically* solution.

I try to take non-responses as "No one happened to notice the post because people have their own lives and it isn't all about you" rather than "Everybody hates you because you are a bitch". I mean, I *am* a bitch, but that doesn't necessarily mean everyone hates me or is ignoring me. :)
Aug. 31st, 2015 06:30 pm (UTC)
Re: Think about this before you reply...

My biggest fear was getting so bad I'd get sectioned, it never materialised, so that's something I'm grateful for.

It's not commonly understood, but once you're an adult, pretty much everybody has to call the police to access your home against your will or detain you outside of hospital.

I'm due to post Lost and Found on the 24th Sept, if you wanted to check out my reactions. Fine if you never do.

I dipped in and got a little past 'creating bubbles of privacy in terraced buildings' which I liked as a phrase. I don't know if you've read any of my stuff, there's some on my journal trying to get round FF downloading awkwardness. Not sure how long I'll leave it up there, but it's been up a while now. Feel free to check it out and have your say :0)

I think your writing style is very different to mine, I'm always trying to pare back (not always succeeding, mind) and yours seems more lyrical, but I can't say it's not something I'd want to read. I think I'd be quite happy to read in that style and bounce ideas back and forth.

Just let me know what's bugging you about a passage or idea. Happy to put my tuppence's worth in.

Currently, I'm trying to figure out why several people involved in a crime would keep quiet for years, even if it meant going to/staying in prison, and never dobbing the ringleader in.

I'm chewing over various permutations revolving around being too afraid of the ringleader.

Story's never been off my hard drive, but here's a little bit at random to give you a flavour of my writing style:

Doyle's musings led him to ponder the irony of his joining the mob because he thought it would be exciting. This was about as exciting as a wet weekend in Bournemouth. He could've stayed in uniform for this. Plenty of tedious duties came the way of a lowly PC.

The something that had been nagging at his brain since they'd parked up was starting to niggle at him again. He wondered if Bodie would have a culinary cure for that too if he mentioned it. He glanced across at Bodie and decided against saying anything for the sake of his arteries. He'd like the chance of making old bones. Not every copper got to do that and joining CI5 hadn't lengthened those odds.

Edited at 2015-08-31 06:32 pm (UTC)
Sep. 8th, 2015 09:08 am (UTC)
Re: Think about this before you reply...
(1) Getting Sectioned

Yeah, I know the law (now, anyway) but the police coming into your home and dragging you out, when you aren't quite in your right mind? Distressing and then some. :(

The Psych ward was Hell. (Seriously. Some of the staff on the ward were verbally abusive to the patients and had the *explicit* attitude, "You are insane so I won't treat anything you say as making sense" - including me telling them I was dairy intolerant and asking for access to the hospital chaplain. There were no active therapies. It was just a holding pen where they kept a dozen people with various illnesses - including Alzheimer's and Autism - drugged silly. I was physically endangered when one patient went off the deep end (four members of staff sitting on him to subdue him was also upsetting). My dad came to visit, demanded to see my case manager and told the staff that he wouldn't treat a dog the way they were treating his daughter.)

(2) My Fic-in-Progress over on natsuko_writer

I think your writing style is very different to mine, I'm always trying to pare back (not always succeeding, mind) and yours seems more lyrical, but I can't say it's not something I'd want to read. I think I'd be quite happy to read in that style and bounce ideas back and forth.

Just let me know what's bugging you about a passage or idea. Happy to put my tuppence's worth in.

I have tried paring back, but the whole, "no unnecessary words" thing leaves me cold. Especially with fan-fiction. By ME. All the words are unnecessary. The STORY is unnecessary. It's not about necessity for pete's sake. And it's not a telegram/txt msg/tweet where the number of characters/words is going to cause a conniption fit.

I want people to see and hear the "movie in my mind" when I write, so for me, that means details.

BUT on the other hand - does the Bodie voice/POV *work* with a "lyrical" style?

Movie in my mind is all very well, but when Bodie gets lost in his own head is it too much telling, not showing?

Is it - worst of all sins - BORING? (I've suffered from more than a few "But nothing *happens*!" comments on my stuff, even from betas.) Is it IN CHARACTER?

Does it WORK for what I'm actually writing?


(3) YOUR fic-in-progress

Currently, I'm trying to figure out why several people involved in a crime would keep quiet for years, even if it meant going to/staying in prison, and never dobbing the ringleader in.

I'm chewing over various permutations revolving around being too afraid of the ringleader.

How about some gang/mob initiation things (accessory after the fact to a murder/series of murders? photos suggesting child abuse (always unpopular in prison? evidence of homosexuality (again, dangerous to them in prison?)) and paid off/bought law enforcement/judges meaning that shopping/grassing will mean charges of a different sort landing on their heads and/or the threat of someone being paid (in the prison system or outside) to do them in?

I mean, if I was going to ringlead a criminal enterprise, I'd (a) make sure my hands never actually got dirty and (b) buy-off/befriend/do favours for anyone I could to give me layers of respectibility and protection (MPs, Judges, high ranking cops, not just the local bobbies, donate a few mil to my local political party, hire enforcers/heavies...).

Sep. 8th, 2015 12:08 pm (UTC)
Not coping so well today
Going through a bit of a low patch and I'm off work today, so bear with me if I say something dumb.

1) Getting Sectioned

When you get to that stage people are dealing more with their own fears and frustrations than they are with you. They forget you're just as frustrated and bewildered as they are, and a lot more angry and frightened.

You're right about 'holding pens' and chemical restraint. It's not a glamorous area of medicine, it's underfunded and understaffed and you have to accept that when you can't interact on a 'normal' basis even professional people get fed up with you. They shouldn't, but they do. That doesn't make it acceptable.

I'm fairly sure I wouldn't have survived being sectioned; so well done you for getting through and still being here. Someone my Doctor put me in touch with said you shouldn't underestimate how much strength it takes to live with mental illness.

There's a lot of truth to that. It's a doddle to cope when your brain functions perfectly, not so easy when it's broken.

I've always likened it to people looking at your broken leg and thinking/saying 'Yes I know it's in plaster, but why can't you hop on it?' Sometimes it's definitely them and not us.

Helps me to remember that.

2) "But nothing *happens*!"

Ever read Hamlet's Soliloquy? Shakespeare stops the play for 'nothing to happen' so that we can understand what's going on in Hamlet's head. And he's a serial offender at that!

The terms 'soliloquy' and 'internal dialogue' were invented because sometimes exploring someone's head is an important part of fiction. It's practically all that we get from Doyle for the whole of DIAG.
I wrote something myself like it (not that I'm comparing myself to Shakespeare, but just for illustration) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10837905/1/Sunshine

It was an attempt at a prose poem - absolutely nothing happens in it. You don't even know which lad's thoughts you're hearing.

I usually prefer the emotion to show between the lines when I write. I think it works better for me. But that doesn't make it right for you and it doesn't mean that I don't read more explicitly emotional stuff and enjoy it. Finding your own voice is one of the joys of writing.

I actually think lyricism works well with Bodie. He's a talkative man, I'd argue more so than Doyle.

You can't please everyone, someone will always think your stuff is boring/OOC/too detailed. All you can really hope to do is mollify your greatest critic - yourself. Also, you grow as a writer. I take risks and explore ideas I wouldn't have dreamed of when I first started to let other people see what I had been writing. I'm not sure I'll ever post all of them, but for me that's not the point.

The other thing you have to remember is that the narrator has no canon voice, so if you don't think Bodie would say something, or even think something, the narrator can provide commentary on it instead.

And no one ever looked at a sunset and thought/observed 'the soft reds were bleeding into subtle oranges and pinks, a scatter of clouds as delicately tinted as rose petals' but the narrator can get away with it so that we can 'see' what the character is looking at. All writing to that extent is a distorted representation of the world.

3) ringlead a criminal enterprise

Nice lot of ideas, should I be concerned that you actually are a criminal mastermind?

My villain is already in the corridors of power. But I'm thinking fear is the way to go. After you've been put in prison you don't have much to lose, but I think fear of reprisal is a good motivation. And actually while we've been talking I've been thinking it might not be themselves they're afraid for. My villain would have the power to get at their families. Mmmm. May jot that down. I'm really pleased with how the story is turning out apart from the minor detail of a gaping great plot hole!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )


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